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Savannah Ellis – If men and women are meant to pair up for a lifetime of eternal happiness with the primary goal of continuing the growth of our species, why is it so damn hard? The communication differences between men and women is so apparent, that we often joke that the two sexes are from opposite planets. Much has been said about these differences, but little has been agreed upon. So let’s do our best to learn how to make nice with the opposite sex in order to have long, healthy, romantic relationships. As an added bonus, Chris was recently married, so we figured it was our duty to get him some good advice.
This week we speak with Savannah Ellis, COO of The Relationship Society, CEO and Founder of the Infidelity Coaching Program, and author of the book, I Cheated: Affair Recovery Advice For When You Have Been Unfaithful. Savannah has coached thousands of couples and individuals from Sydney, Australia to Las Vegas, Nevada to help them achieve their relationship and personal goals. Her passion is to help people be authentic to themselves and others. Savannah holds Psychology degrees from Monash University, Australia: Bachelor Behavioral Science (BBSc), and post graduate degrees in Clinical Psychology.
“The three most important factors in a relationship are chemistry, personality, and life goals/values.”
– Savannah Ellis
Quotes from Savannah:
[shadowbox]”Sex and friendship are the two main ingredients for a healthy, intimate relationship.”
“Men want to be monogamous, but it’s very difficult. Monogamy is not something we are naturally built to be, it has to be a conscious choice.”
“Most infidelity occurs in relationships at the time of pregnancy and the birth of the first child.”
“There are many ways to have an intimate environment within your relationship other than strictly sex.”[/shadowbox]
What we learn in this episode:
- How do couples learn to communicate better?
- How do you move on from heartbreak?
- What are the main differences between the way men and women communicate?
- Do men always want sex?
Resources:
I Cheated: Affair Recovery Advice For When You Have Been Unfaithful
http://relationshipsociety.com/
Youtube – It’s Not About the Nail
Twitter @infidelityguru
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I think it’s important to address the fluidity of sexuality (like the fluidity of gender) in this sort of conversation. My husband and I identify as gray-sexuals, meaning we have very low sexual drives. There are many men and women who have no sexual drive, and many women who are hyper-sexual (something I don’t remember being mentioned here… yes, women cheat too). It’s hard to have this kind of conversation without addressing the diversity of people (and relationships) that are in the world.
To say “sex and friendship are the two main ingredients for a healthy, intimate relationship” is incorrect, because asexual relationships can be very healthy AND intimate without sex. When I hear viewpoints that are so hetero-defined like this, I worry that people with different sexual identities, who haven’t had the opportunity to identify, may see themselves as “wrong” or “broken”, when they’re not at all. It’s perfectly fine to not have a libido, or to have a lower sexual drive. Sure, it’s not common (stats say around 1% of the population are asexual), but that’s still one in a hundred people, and how many people listen to this podcast?
I understand that Savannah comes from one very defined perspective in her coaching and counselling, but I just wanted to mention this for anyone out there who may be feeling like there’s something wrong with them for not wanting to have sex so x times a day or what have you.
Other than that, I think there is some good bits of relationship advice in here for everyone. Good communication, listening and being able to move on from heartbreak are all essential, no matter what sexual-identity you have.
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